from my Journal

Aside from my blogging about this experience I keep a more personal journal.  This is where I have been recording my thoughts that to me seem like things I would rather keep private - good and bad.  Today, however, I was writing and felt like I would like to share this journal entry on my blog. 

So here it is:

"I was talking on the phone with Teresa yesterday.  She told me a very sweet story.  She told me that she was substituting in Primary on Sunday and Reese, a little girl Emily's ages, was giving the closing prayer in Primary and in her prayer she said, "and please bless Emily's mommy that she will get better.

It is no wonder I am improving the way I am ... homes all over the country and even in the world are praying for me.  Why?  Do I deserve it?  I don't suppose it matters whether I deserve it or not.  It just means that there is SO MUCH GOODNESS in this world and it goes so easily unnoticed with everything going on around us.  There are sweet little 5 year old girls praying daily for someone she barely knows because her parents have taught her that is it's better to "love one another" than to be selfish and unkind.  It is so humbling to me.  I am so grateful and in awe over how blessed we have been.

Only 4 days until I get to get into my van and go home.  There is NO place I would rather be right now.  I don't want to be on an exotic trip or vacation, I don't want to be anywhere but in my home...(for now anyway!).  Inside those walls where although not always "peaceful," it is where i feel so much love and joy.

This experience has really changed my perspective on how I view my life.  The only thing I care about right now are relationships.  My relationship with my sweet husband, which I have taken for granted so much.  My relationship with my children which I have abused and neglected...I was always too concerned with what I needed instead of what their little hearts needed from me.  My relationship with all of my extended family... do they really know how much I love them and how I would do anything for hem?  My relationship with my neighbors.  I do not serve enough, I do not get out of my comfort zone enough.  Relationships are the most important thing we have in our lives.  (I believe that they are ONE of the few things we get to take with us in the next life...not our material things, but our relationships!)  The most important relationship that I need to improve in is that with my Savior, Jesus Christ.  (This experience has been such a blessing in that way...I have felt His love in so many personal and amazing experiences, an answer to my prayers.)  I KNOW  that when that relationship is good then all other things come into place and life, even though it is full of trials and difficulties, becomes manageable, happy and worth the ride!

D&C 59:7

"Thou shalt thank the Lord they God in all things."

"We pay our debt of gratitude by living in such a way as to bring credit to our parents and the name we bear, by doing good to others, by being of service, by being willing to share the light and knowledge we have received so that others will also have joy and happiness, by living the principles of the gospel in their fulness.  Paul told us we should be filled with the Spirit, "giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ" (Ephesians 5:20)." - Howard W. Hunter